I've lived in NC for 9 months now, and boy has it been a roller coaster. When I first moved here, I was scared and excited and homesick all in one. As the months went on, I went back and forth from loving it to hating it then back to loving it. I was far away from home and everything that made me comfortable. At the time, it felt like the worst thing ever, but looking back now, this move was the biggest blessing in disguise I have ever received.
When you are thousands of miles away from the people you love and are your support system, it changes you. I suddenly had to look deep inside myself for who I was and what I wanted because I didn't have my family and friends there with me everyday.I think I have talked before about growing a backbone and learning to be more dependent. But I was also learning a lot more about myself. I can't say if I actually learned anything or if I was just finally realizing what I had been denying for a long time...I wasn't happy.
I felt like I had just been settling and doing what I had to do because it was what everyone else had told me was right or what I had to do.
I was just going through these motions everyday, making sure to put up this front about being happy so no one would be upset and I wouldn't hurt anyone, but in reality I was hurting the most important person...myself. My best friends knew how I felt and they always reminded me that I deserved to be happy and I needed to put myself and Harper first, and they constantly reminded me that they would always love and support me (which they still do everyday and I am so blessed to have such an amazing group of girls to not only call my friends, but sisters).
Sometimes in life, things happen. Everything that happens is for a reason, and sometimes at the time it doesn't make sense, but God works in such a mysterious way and he knows exactly what he's doing. I finally decided it was time to let it go and do what I wanted to do and make myself happy. I dug deep down inside and saw that this unhappy me wasn't only bad for myself but also for Harper. In the end, I am the only one who can give my daughter a happy mother who loves life. I know that Harper can see a difference in who I am as a person and that right there is enough for me to know that I made the right decisions for myself.
I'm not going to put my whole story out there because the people who are important to me, already know. My point to this post is simple...sometimes you have to let go of what's holding you down and move on. I think people are so used to just staying where they are and settling for what they know instead of doing what they want. Whatever it is, you need to follow your heart. Your heart and your instinct always know what they want. It's definitely scary taking that leap of faith and not knowing the outcome, but if it's in your heart there is a reason and you just have to trust that it was placed there for a reason. I accepted the fact that I was truly unhappy and I followed my heart and I can honestly say I am the happiest I have ever been. Its a happiness I have never felt.
Not everyone agrees with my choices, but the people who matter most to me support me and are happy for me. "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
My life is nothing like I expected it to be when I moved here, but I could not be happier. I never thought I would say NC is home, but now after a long 9 month roller coaster ride, I know I am right where I am supposed to be. I'm finally home.
