Harper's first birthday party

Well, I did it! I survived my first year as a mommy :) almost anyways...Harper's real birthday isn't until tomorrow but technically she is 1 now and I couldn't be more excited! Harper has brought so much joy and love into my life. I have a whole new outlook on my life and where I want to go and become. She has shown me what is truly important in life. I think being her mom has been the biggest blessing I could have ever received and I am forever grateful for her. She is the sweetest, most loving little girl. She just shows me how truly blessed I am to be alive each day and she doesn't even know it! Her spunk and sense of humor has opened my eyes to all the good in the world and how amazing things are. The way she gets excited over a piece of paper and a pen makes me see the goodness in even the smallest things. She is simply amazing and I am so in love with Harper Monroe Kelly. She teaches me things on a daily basis.

Harper discovered my belly ring a few weeks ago and she loves to play with it and play "peek-a-boo" with it lol what she doesn't know is that I absolutely hate showing my stomach! I think it is the flabbiest, nastiest part of my body. This morning though, when I was feeling extra flabby, she lifted up my shirt to play peek-a-boo with my belly button ring and I realized she loves me for me. She doesn't see the nasty flab I see, she just sees her mom. She loves me when I am mad, sad, or happy. She is always there and always welcomes me with kisses and hugs and cuddles. She is amazing. She single handedly showed me it is okay to be me. How amazing is it that I could learn such a huge lesson from such a tiny little girl? Crazy. But it's just another reason to love her!

Anyways, back to her birthday party! It was a huge success. I was so nervous putting it all together, but I got so many compliments on the things I did. I think the biggest hit was the lemonade bar! It actually turned out really well and the flavors worked too! Harper loves all of her presents and this morning, it was almost like she forgot about them because she was surprised all over again! I think she is set for winter with all of the clothes she got! Thank you to everyone who came and celebrated with us! It was so fun and I'm glad everyone had a good time. Here's some pictures of her big day!

It was such a fun day with friends and family and lots of food! I am so excited to see what this next year brings as I leave the world of being a mommy to a baby and head into the toddler world! I'm sure it will only be more fun, more smiles and more love! (and hopefully a sibling for Harper ;) )

Harper's Birthday Celebration!

Harper's first birthday is exactly 11 days away! where has the time gone?? This Saturday, the 21 could have been Harper's birthday because that was my original due date...until she decided to be 9 days late. Typical. But, we are starting her birthday celebration on Saturday with a trip to the zoo! I can't wait to take her because last time we went, she was still too young to know what was happening. Now, she knows her animals and sounds ( a select few anyways) and can walk! It will be so fun I cannot wait to take a million pictures :) We are also going to breakfast too! Her birthday party is on the 28 and is rainbow themed! I am so stressed about her party because it is her first birthday party and my first time planning anything. I want everything to be perfect. We are having a lemonade bar, hamburger sliders and chocolate covered marshmallows. I am also making cupcakes and she of course has her own cake to eat :) I am looking forward to the cake eating the most! I think it is so adorable to watch babies eat their first birthday cake.

It's been a busy few weeks since I last posted. I have finally gotten into the groove of going back to school and managing all my mommy tasks. I think it's actually going pretty well! Harper is down to just one bottle a day and it is her night time bottle. Half the time she doesn't even drink it all! She is also down to half formula and half milk. So, 4 ounces of each. It hasn't been easy but I think the hardest part which was taking away the morning bottle has actually been going pretty well. It's kind of nice that she was pretty okay with getting rid of her bottle.

Harper has also gained some new attitude and gives people the dirtiest looks now! She also shakes her head and pulls away when she doesn't want you to do something...little booger is my new nickname for her because she has turned into such a firecracker! I don't know where she gets it because I am not like that and neither is Gavin. It's been tough because I don't know how or if I should punish her. I also found myself at a loss of what to do when she hit me and my immediate thought was slap her hand and say no hitting, but I stopped myself because then I realized I would be hitting her as a way to teach her not to. So this has been an ongoing battle for me lately...how do I teach her no without contradicting myself? I feel so bad when she cries and she knows it too because she will throw her head back and scream and cry! I thought she was only going to be one...didn't know terrible two's started this early!

Besides her attitude, Harper has also learned so much. She knows animal sounds, she recognizes airplanes, she knows all of her facial body parts and can eat with a fork. I am one proud mama! She also will grab keys and say bye-bye and walk towards the door. We've been working on hitting a baseball off of the tee aka mom and dads hands...she's really getting the hang of it! She loves shopping with me and will run around the store grabbing everything she can find and screaming with excitement! I love taking her shopping. I would definitely have to say that so far, this age is my favorite. She is so much fun and she's hilarious! She goes to football games with me and loves shaking the girls' poms and walking around the track. We were so blessed to have such an easy going baby...she will find entertainment wherever we go so it's never hard to please her. We don't even have to pack toys to keep her busy when we go out because she will find something.

As sad as I am that this year is coming to an end, I am very happy to see it go! I am a whole new person with a whole new attitude on life and family and I am ready to start this next chapter of being a mom to a toddler. I am excited for my wedding next summer and to start thinking of baby number two! Can you imagine? Harper as a big sister...too cute! She loves babies and I can't wait to give her a baby brother or sister (hopefully brother!!). I plan on posting a blog of things that got us through this first year as parents like specific toys and clothing items. As winter creeps up on us, I am so glad she is out of an infant carrier! Carrying that thing in the rain was the biggest bitch! I am super excited about getting Harper some rain boots though! and to splash in the puddles with her :) I am in love with being a mom! It makes me feel like a kid again and I love watching Harper learn as well as teaching her new things. The feeling of pride I get when she learns something new is the best feeling ever. I was telling Gavin today, I am obsessed with my daughter. She seriously is amazing! She's so smart and funny and hello! freaking adorable ;) I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything!

                                                                  Giving dad one of her many looks

                                                                        Feeding herself yogurt

                                                                        doing some shopping

Bye-Bye Bottle

Harper will be 1 in exactly 23 days! I cannot believe the time is fast approaching. I am in party planning mode and everytime I get online to do school work I become distracted by Pinterest and Etsy! I need some serious intervention! But with Harper turning one, it's not all cake and balloons and presents there is a whole other side to it, a horrible side that I hate already...weaning her from the bottle and formula.

Harper's normal routine was wake up at 7:30 or 8 ish and have an 8 ounce bottle right away, followed by actual breakfast about an hour later and then snack when the daycare kids get one. Then lunch and maybe a bottle but there is always two bottles in the evening. One around dinner and another at 8 or so when she goes down for bed. Now, with this whole bye-bye baba thing its no bottle first thing in the morning and only 6 ounces of formula and 2 ounces of milk. I was always one who said it's ridiculous for babies to have a bottle after one...let me tell you I am slowly changing my mind to think maybe it's okay for her to just have one for the rest of her life! This morning was day 1 of no morning bottle....she was horrible! So cranky and wanted to just be held by mom the whole morning! Getting ready was a nightmare because I couldn't put her down without a complete meltdown happening, so I got ready with one hand and Harper in the other (Sometimes I wonder why we even have two arms, as a mom I probably can do most tasks with just one now). Of course I will stick to my plan of no bottle in the morning and slowly wean her off and onto a sippy of milk instead but it is so hard to deal with meltdowns! Especially when I am half asleep and in zombie mode all day. I fully intend to have Harper off a bottle and almost fully on milk within the next 23 days....it's going to be hard and probably very trying, but as a mom it's something I have to do. I know she hates the change as much as I do right now but one day I know I will look back and think why can't it still be that easy?

The other day I was wiping Harper's snotty nose (another thing I claimed my child would never be was a snotty nosed, dirty fingernail baby...ha!) she was squirming around and I kept saying I'm sorry bug I have to and then something hit me, this little girl is my responsibility! It was a crazy feeling because for a while I hadn't thought of it like that. This little girl is going to grow up into the person I shape her to be. Every move I make and every word I say will be mirrored by her. It's a huge thing to realize someone's life and personality will all be shaped and molded by you...talk about pressure! I have to do things for her and with her that she probably won't like but I have to know what's best for her. I kind of felt like when did I become the mom that is supposed to  know the answer to every problem and be able to fix everything? It's crazy to think Harper will be coming to be for advice and guidance in her life and it's up to me to point her in the right direction.

It makes me sick when I see parents neglecting their kids to go out and have fun every night and weekend and would gladly trade a night of partying for a night in with their kid/kids. I know I go out and have fun but that is on occasion and not until I have fulfilled my duties as a mom. Young kids are so vulnerable and are being shaped everyday. When you aren't there for your kids, no matter their age, it will affect them. I feel like if you feel like partying and drinking is more important than your child then you don't deserve to be a mom or dad!

I've been a lot more opinionated on this topic lately and I feel like I've just been hostile towards everyone and everything lately. It's because I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions without any rest. I am officially going to school full time as well as working two jobs everyday. Now that I am writing this out, I feel like maybe this is part of the reason why Harper has been so clingy to me...I am always so busy and I feel like I never see her anymore. I have school work every night, along with laundry and cleaning up after Harper and myself and working until 5. I don't go in until 11:30 so most of the time my mornings are filled with doing chores too. I am just so drained and exhausted. I've been going to bed right after Harper lately and waking up just as tired as I was the night before. I really need a vacation! Being a mom and a fiance has been super hard lately because I feel like I can't focus on just one thing at a time. My mind is constantly going a mile a minute with all these thoughts like what homework is due? or what needs to be cleaned? and of course lately I can't go two minutes without thinking about Harper's birthday party and what I need to add to the ever growing list.

This week has been a hard one. It was full of transitions and new experiences. I know I need to slow down and enjoy more moments with Harper. I always try to remind myself that the "things" that are most important aren't actually 'things' at all, but memories and moments that I get to just be with my family and enjoy each other. I now know that juggling the many roles I have is going to take hard work and time to get used to. I also know that once I get there, it will all be worth it in the end.