Two going on twenty...

Harper turned two a few weeks ago and I still can't believe it. I feel like we just brought her home from the hospital yesterday. I will never forget that day, it was one of the hottest days of the year and we lived in a tiny, (kind of) ghetto apartment that was hotter inside than outside. Gavin and I stopped at Jack in the Box on the way home (who really does that??) because I was starving and the hospital food didn't cut it. We got home and we immediately realized it was way too hot for the baby so Gavin went to his parent's house to pick up a fan. When he left, I remember sitting there watching this new, sweet little girl sleeping in her bassinet with her blue onesie with brown and pink polka dots and her hospital bracelets still on her ankle. That's when it hit me, I was alone with this baby and I had no idea what to do. I was so scared because it was just me and her, no nurses and no Gavin to help me. Granted, Gavin was gone all of 20 minutes, but as a new mom I was terrified! My feet swelled so bad because I immediately tried to do laundry and clean, but I was quickly reminded to rest. Those first few weeks were such a blur of visitors and sleeping and sadly, not too many showers...but then I fast forward to today, and Harper and I are seriously the same person. I can't believe I was ever afraid and clueless as to what to do because today, I know her like the back of my hand and it has only been two short years (The best two years nonetheless).

I started working at Target (don't ask how I like it...) and Harper has started daycare. I work almost 40 hours a week and I either open or close, so I am usually at work 8-4 or 4-10:30 meaning I don't get to stay home all day with Harper anymore. I know I was so excited to go back to work, but it's not the work I wanted and my heart breaks a little every time Harper says "stay with me mom" and it breaks a little more when she more than happily marches off to daycare like the big, brave girl I have tried my hardest to raise her to be. I am so proud of her for being so independent and trusting that mommy and daddy will always be there to pick her up, but it's a sad reminder that pre-school is around the corner and I don't know if I am ready for that. Right before we started our new routine of Harper at daycare and mommy at work I was holding her in my lap and I just lost it, I was crying like a baby because my baby isn't a baby anymore and Harper said "what's wrong mom?" when I told her I was sad because she was growing up so fast she kissed my face and said "it's okay mom" which still brings tears to my eyes now! I think the tears are a mix of proud and sad tears. I always knew my daughter would be smart, strong, kind, understanding and independent because I knew that's how I wanted to raise her, but to see her already embody so much of that at just two is amazing. She is truly a gift from God.

Harper is a little chatter box and once she's comfortable around you, she will never stop talking. She has the funniest mannerisms and says the cutest things. She is obsessed with make up and jewelry but she loves bugs and Spider man too. We went to the pumpkin patch on Saturday and we couldn't leave the house until she was done with her make-up which consists of putting my concealer on her leg and then using my bare minerals, which I pretend to put in the lid and give her the brush and she swirls and taps the brush and puts it all over her face, and mine and sometimes even Gavin (if he's lucky). She also needed her bracelets and ring. We bought her a bunch of the little girl jewelry at Claire's for her birthday because she always wants to wear my rings and other jewelry. She also needs her purse and phone before we leave and if it's too bright we can't forget her sunglasses! She's definitely my mini me and Gavin and I always joke that I have created a monster (ok, we half joke because it's so true).

I love Harper at this age because she is like a little person that I can have conversations with and she is like a sponge and just absorbs everything we say and do. I have to say that because of this, it has helped put me in check about how I act and what I say. Sometimes, we aren't so lucky and she absorbs the wrong things...the other day Harper was doing something and she almost tripped and she looked at me and said "oh, shit! I almost fall down!" I had to laugh because it was so unexpected and to hear that come out in her little voice was the cutest thing. But then I told her to not say that and to say oh my gosh and she quickly responded with "look at her butt". (Who is this child? and Who are her parents?!) Either way, I think it's funny and I won't pretend to be that mom who doesn't say bad words or have bad days because I do and Harper hears and sees. I try my best to watch my mouth around her, but face it, no one is perfect.

I just can't believe my baby is two and her attitude is going on 20 for sure. She brings me so much joy and I am so blessed she has come into our lives. Gavin and I have been through so much since we found out I was pregnant and I see Harper's birthday as not only another year of life for Harper, but also a reminder of how far we have come. I celebrate Harper's birth and the accomplishments of Gavin and I as parents. We've seen days where we had absolutely no money for anything but a few groceries, we've been on government assistance programs, we've had our fair share of fights over the stress, we've lived on our own and then back with his parents. But then I see us today, on Harper's 2nd birthday doing better than okay. We finally have our own place, we both have jobs, we have more than enough food, Harper is the happiest little girl and has never known what it is like to go without and our relationship is growing stronger and stronger each day. I remember when I was pregnant thinking "how are we gonna make it?" but faith, love and family and friends have helped us get where we are today. I don't think our parents will ever understand how grateful we are to them. I honestly have no idea where we would be if it wasn't for them. Because of them, I know what it means to really be there for your children and I plan to be there for Harper just as my parents and Gavin's parents were there for us. As for Harper Kelly,

Harper,
You are the light of my world. I have never known a love as strong or as deep as the love I have for you. The best part of everyday is watching you grow and learn. I love watching you run around outside, listening to you sing, I love when you do my make up or paint daddy's nails. I love how caring you are and how worried you get for babies when they cry. I love how you wait your turn and want to share with everyone you see. I love when you grab my face and kiss me at night and I love the way yo say I Lub you mommy. I love everything about you baby girl. You will forever be my lovebug, my hoppa, my Harper Kelly. I promise to always love and support anything you want to do. You will always have a friend in me. Mommy loves you so much and I hope one day you can see that everything I do, is for you. I promised to give you the best childhood and life and I hope one day you can look back and say that you did. You will go far my bug and I will be there every step of the way. Don't ever lose your spunk. I love you more than you will ever know!
Mommy