Something I always tell myself is that it's better to try something than to live the rest of your life thinking "What if?" Now, I am living that motto out because...the Kelly family (a.k.a Gavin, Harper and I) are possibly moving to North Carolina! An opportunity has arisen for Gavin which means our family would have to pack up and move about 2,000 miles across the country. Immediately I got butterflies in my stomach, the kind you feel when you're super nervous. As a mom, I thought about school districts, doctors, dentists, day care, parks, anything and everything Harper will need raced through my mind. All I want is the best for my daughter. We had to think about this for many weeks about what we were going to do. Do we move? Do we take Harper away from her grandparents and all the family she has known since the day she was born? Or do we stay? Continue living in our comfort zone? Keep living here where it is questionable when we will be able to get up on our feet and on our own? After many talks, Gavin and I decided the best thing to do is to move. Although it breaks our hearts to leave we know that the cost of living is lower and it is an opportunity to become fully dependent on solely each other. It would be our chance to start our family and live our lives...like a fresh start. Of course there are many repercussions of this and the biggest one is our wedding which was scheduled for July. Now, in July, we will be across the country since the move would take place in March or April. Nothing is for sure yet, but we had to break the news to our parents and family on none other than Thanksgiving day.
It was like deja vu. I was scared to death to tell my parents because I knew they would be sad. I felt like I was telling them I was pregnant! Again! But, after many tears and tissues, I think we have the support of our families. It was hardest to tell my sister. She is my best friend and we are always there for each other. I have never ever been away from home for longer than a week and I have never been that far away. It is the scariest thing I have ever done and yet at the same time I am so excited! We will know no one and be in this completely new environment and culture. This is our chance to make the life for our daughter we have always wanted. It's our chance to learn to lean on each other. I know there are a lot of people who do not want to see Harper go and at first, I was hesitant to go because I knew that. But, after many sleepless nights and prayers, I realized I have to do what is best for my daughter, I can't try to base my decision on how other people will feel. I have the most amazing best friend, Lindsey, who has supported me and talked me through this decision so many times and I don't know how I am going to be without her or any of my other friends.
Anyone who has a child knows that your kid is your number 1 priority 100% of the time. I truly believe in my heart this will be the best choice for Harper and my family. We will be able to afford our own place and truly provide for her on our own. It will also strengthen Gavin and I as a couple and there is nothing I want more than to have a healthy, happy relationship to show my daughter.
It breaks my heart to imagine having to tell Harper to say good-bye to her grandparents and aunt and uncles. She is such a big part of everyone's life here and I constantly freak out trying to imagine how we will say good bye before getting on a plane to leave. Far away. For a long time. It is so scary and sad and any other emotion that makes my stomach turn. I have to stay positive and remember we would never know unless we tried, which is what life is about.
Life is always going to be full of ups and downs and twists and turns. This move is just another twist in our life story. It's a big step for us as a family but life would be boring if we didn't take chances or jump at new opportunities. I am excited to expose Harper to seasons and different cultures and all new things. I am excited to live on the east coast closer to my dad's side of the family and my mom's sister. It's also perfect timing because right now, Gavin and I do not own a house and we barely have furniture so it's like we truly will be starting fresh and starting our life together.
We have decided to get married before we move, this means not a big wedding like we planned. Although I am disappointed, I am also relieved. I always wanted just a small, intimate ceremony and now I get to have that. Before, my big wedding was more for everyone else.
I know this isn't really about Harper and I am sure people are sad to not see pictures of that crazy girl this time, I will post again soon about my crazy little girl :)
So, the moral of this blog is if you're thinking about doing something crazy or exciting but aren't sure if you should? DO IT! You never know until you try...
