Being Harper's mom: Eye of the Tiger

Yes, I am referring to the Katy Perry song Roar. It might sound cheesy, but I am in love with this song and I feel like I can conquer anything when I hear it. The other day I was listening to it and I realized I am such a strong person (Not trying to toot my own horn or anything). I have been through so much in my short 22 years of life and I think I'm doing an okay job at living my life being the best I can be! I have been super stressed lately and emotional knowing that Harper's 1st birthday is lurking around the corner. As we all await this huge celebration I have come to realize my first year at mother hood is coming to an end. It has been such an amazing journey of learning. There have been tears, laughs, more tears, more laughs and even more tears. I think the year has been so trying on all of my relationships. It has been a year of learning who was truly there and who didn't really care. It made me appreciate others so much more, my parents especially. I have also noticed my priorities are completely different now.

Before, I would always put myself first before anyone. Now, Harper comes before anyone, including myself. I love that little girl more than life itself and I will do anything for her. She is my number 1 until the day I die. She has become my best friend. Harper is crazy! She already has an attitude problem and knows what she wants and how to get it! She's definitely not a baby anymore :( She is hilarious and smart too! I could go on and on about her all day.

I look at Harper sometimes when I put her down for bedtime and I think about how different life would be without her. I feel like my life would have no meaning. She just brings this light into my life that I cannot imagine living without it. It's because of Harper that I have to be thankful for all of my mistakes and all of the bad times in my life. Everything I have gone through has brought me to where I am today and I know it is exactly where I need to be.

I haven't posted in a while because I have been super busy! Work started and it's football season and to any cheer coach they know how busy I am. Next month will be full of firsts! My Harper is turning the big 1! and I start my first classes working towards my Bachelor's Degree. I am not looking forward to next month at all.

To me, next month will just confirm that my little 7 pound 14 ounce baby will be a big bad one year old who is WALKING btw! I have such mixed emotions about this. I am so excited because I love watching her grow and become a child and develop a personality and likes and dislikes, but I just wish she could stay this little forever. I love my morning cuddles and her sweet innocent smiles. Having Harper truly made me realize I need to cherish each moment.

I am also so nervous to go back to school. I have never gone to school as a mom. I don't know how I will split up my time evenly or how I will even focus on school work, but I know that going back to school is so important for me and for Harper. I want Harper to be able to see that her mom went to school and is successful and can provide for her with no problem. I want to give Harper the best of everything and without a college degree I know that will not happen. Speaking of being a good example to Harper, the latest struggle in the Hargadon-Kelly family is discipline. Harper has become this little hurricane of a baby and I don't even know how to begin to teach her no.

I want her to learn at a young age how to act because even though she is only 11 months old, I know that she understands me and what I say to her. I have always been big on having a well behaved and respectful child. I try teaching her no and I don't like that or I say "that's not ours" when she steals toys away from kids. I am a psych major so I know she has different developmental stages to go through and she probably doesn't understand why she shouldn't take toys away from someone, but she does need to understand that screaming at the top of her lungs for more food won't cut it with this momma. It's just hard figuring out how to teach these things to someone so young, but it can be done and I will do it. Definitely one of the first hard momma moments when you tell her no and she cries, with tears, and you have to stand your ground! So heartbreaking, but just like anything I do, I know it is what's best for her.