Bye-Bye Bottle

Harper will be 1 in exactly 23 days! I cannot believe the time is fast approaching. I am in party planning mode and everytime I get online to do school work I become distracted by Pinterest and Etsy! I need some serious intervention! But with Harper turning one, it's not all cake and balloons and presents there is a whole other side to it, a horrible side that I hate already...weaning her from the bottle and formula.

Harper's normal routine was wake up at 7:30 or 8 ish and have an 8 ounce bottle right away, followed by actual breakfast about an hour later and then snack when the daycare kids get one. Then lunch and maybe a bottle but there is always two bottles in the evening. One around dinner and another at 8 or so when she goes down for bed. Now, with this whole bye-bye baba thing its no bottle first thing in the morning and only 6 ounces of formula and 2 ounces of milk. I was always one who said it's ridiculous for babies to have a bottle after one...let me tell you I am slowly changing my mind to think maybe it's okay for her to just have one for the rest of her life! This morning was day 1 of no morning bottle....she was horrible! So cranky and wanted to just be held by mom the whole morning! Getting ready was a nightmare because I couldn't put her down without a complete meltdown happening, so I got ready with one hand and Harper in the other (Sometimes I wonder why we even have two arms, as a mom I probably can do most tasks with just one now). Of course I will stick to my plan of no bottle in the morning and slowly wean her off and onto a sippy of milk instead but it is so hard to deal with meltdowns! Especially when I am half asleep and in zombie mode all day. I fully intend to have Harper off a bottle and almost fully on milk within the next 23 days....it's going to be hard and probably very trying, but as a mom it's something I have to do. I know she hates the change as much as I do right now but one day I know I will look back and think why can't it still be that easy?

The other day I was wiping Harper's snotty nose (another thing I claimed my child would never be was a snotty nosed, dirty fingernail baby...ha!) she was squirming around and I kept saying I'm sorry bug I have to and then something hit me, this little girl is my responsibility! It was a crazy feeling because for a while I hadn't thought of it like that. This little girl is going to grow up into the person I shape her to be. Every move I make and every word I say will be mirrored by her. It's a huge thing to realize someone's life and personality will all be shaped and molded by you...talk about pressure! I have to do things for her and with her that she probably won't like but I have to know what's best for her. I kind of felt like when did I become the mom that is supposed to  know the answer to every problem and be able to fix everything? It's crazy to think Harper will be coming to be for advice and guidance in her life and it's up to me to point her in the right direction.

It makes me sick when I see parents neglecting their kids to go out and have fun every night and weekend and would gladly trade a night of partying for a night in with their kid/kids. I know I go out and have fun but that is on occasion and not until I have fulfilled my duties as a mom. Young kids are so vulnerable and are being shaped everyday. When you aren't there for your kids, no matter their age, it will affect them. I feel like if you feel like partying and drinking is more important than your child then you don't deserve to be a mom or dad!

I've been a lot more opinionated on this topic lately and I feel like I've just been hostile towards everyone and everything lately. It's because I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions without any rest. I am officially going to school full time as well as working two jobs everyday. Now that I am writing this out, I feel like maybe this is part of the reason why Harper has been so clingy to me...I am always so busy and I feel like I never see her anymore. I have school work every night, along with laundry and cleaning up after Harper and myself and working until 5. I don't go in until 11:30 so most of the time my mornings are filled with doing chores too. I am just so drained and exhausted. I've been going to bed right after Harper lately and waking up just as tired as I was the night before. I really need a vacation! Being a mom and a fiance has been super hard lately because I feel like I can't focus on just one thing at a time. My mind is constantly going a mile a minute with all these thoughts like what homework is due? or what needs to be cleaned? and of course lately I can't go two minutes without thinking about Harper's birthday party and what I need to add to the ever growing list.

This week has been a hard one. It was full of transitions and new experiences. I know I need to slow down and enjoy more moments with Harper. I always try to remind myself that the "things" that are most important aren't actually 'things' at all, but memories and moments that I get to just be with my family and enjoy each other. I now know that juggling the many roles I have is going to take hard work and time to get used to. I also know that once I get there, it will all be worth it in the end.