Oh Darling, don't you ever grow up....

Being a mom is hard work. Especially to a 10 month old. I have decided this age so far is the hardest for me. Harper is on the verge of walking and gaining that little bit more of independence. She is also going through the whole throw it on the floor and make mom pick it up 100 times! (except after 5 tries I stop giving it back). She also is still learning what no means...notice I said STILL. And, we cannot forget the tantrums. She is learning to show her frustration and anger when things do not go her way. She will throw things and cry and whine. It is definitely the most trying time I have had so far. I think it has a lot to do with her mobility and "complaining".

Harper is almost walking! She will stand in the middle of the room and pull herself up on stuff as well as walking around when she pushes her walker or holding mom or dad's hand...just one hand! It's an exciting time to be a parent because she is truly growing by the day  minute. I feel like every day there is something new and exciting she is doing and walking is one of those huge milestones everyone will remember. It is also hard because she can't be put down in public yet since she is still crawling and let's face it...every mom is little bit of a germ-a-phobe. So, Harper will throw fits when she can't get down and crawl at dad's softball or basketball games and then people stare as I try to stay calm and take care of the shit show unfolding on my lap. It is exhausting at times constantly trying to entertain a baby who only wants to get down and move around. It's frustrating for me too because I know what she wants and I can't help her.

If you look up attitude in the dictionary, Harper's picture is the first thing you see. I don't know where it came from (definitely not mom) but it has arrived. I know I have a way worse attitude ahead of me in her teen years, but right now she's already crazy. When she doesn't want something, trust me, she will let you know. My daughter is nothing short of a pistol and I am proud of her! It gets very hard and tiring at times, but there is no way you can stay mad or frustrated with Harper. When she looks at me with her big brown eyes it's hard to remember exactly why she made me mad. It also can have a strain on my relationship with Gavin, especially this summer. I just started working for the school district so I had the summer off. This meant more quality time with Harper, but it also meant I was going to get the grunt of all the attitude, tantrums and messes as well because Gavin works all day. I sometimes would spend all day at home and with a 10 month old, cabin fever sets in a lot quicker...thankfully I still have my cheer squad and good friends! You have to be social and get out when you are a mom or you will go mad! I'm not trying to sound like I hate being a mom because I absolutely love it, but every mom can relate...you just need a break sometimes. I love taking Harper to Target. That is our fave place to shop. So, when she starts going a little crazy we hop in the car and away we go to target to walk around. I love that now she will sit in the cart and grab things and babble on like she is actually looking at clothes with me and talking. I cannot wait for those days when we can have real conversations where she will actually respond with words.

Like anything else, with bad and hard there is good and fun. Harper can be so much fun right now too. It is the best feeling watching her learn new things, right now, Harper's newest thing is peek-a-boo. If you say where is Harper I can't find her?! She will cover her eyes and squeeze them shut and then pull her hands away when you say peek-a-boo! It is so amazing to me, because no one really taught her that! It is so cool to see the things babies can pick up just by watching what other people do. This is the reason why I try to be a better person. I believe children will learn by example. People usually say do as I say not as I do, but the reality is they will do as you do. Speaking of being examples, Gavin and I were talking about gay marriages and racism and how it is ridiculous how much people can hate others. We got to talking and we both agreed we do not want Harper to grow up being judgmental. People were not born hating anyone. They do not know the difference between a straight couple and a gay couple or a black person from an Asian person. The hate people have was taught by children growing up and seeing, hearing and doing what their parents did.

I have a lot of hopes for Harper and her future. One of the biggest things I wish for her is to be accepting of everyone. I want her to grow up only hating vegetables or naps, not people. Especially not people because of sexual orientation, race, religion or any other reason. If we could all teach our children to just love one another it would be the start to something great. I know it's easier said than done, but some parents need to realize it starts with us, the parents. We are our children's first role model and we set the tone for what they will do as kids, teens and then as young adults.

Sorry for my rant...back to being Harper's mom.

Being a mom is hard. Out of all the things I think are hard about being a mom, the hardest thing for me is knowing my baby will grow up one day. It is accepting that she will one day be a young woman living her own life and won't need mommy. I am absolutely in love with my daughter and I love the amazing bond I share with her. It is so hard knowing one day she will be a big girl and be moving out and becoming an adult. The Taylor Swift song that makes me cry every time is "Never Grow Up". I think about the night Harper was first born and I look at her today and she has grown so much already. I want to just freeze time. I do not want my time with Harper to ever run out. I know I will never have enough time with her, but a lifetime just isn't enough! I cherish every moment I have with my baby girl and I look forward to all the memories I will make along the way, like her first day of school, her first boyfriend, her wedding, when she becomes a mom, all of these big life moments and then I realize I get way too ahead of myself and I should just focus on her big life moment coming up...walking. And then we can talk about her first birthday..which by the way I might have a hard time with that one. It has already been one year almost since I met my best friend and cutest baby ever...my daughter.

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up